Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A very blog-public rant with a side of disclaimer . . .

I am not quite sure where to begin this post, or that it’s appropriate.  But I feel the point of this project is to expose myself, flaws and all so here it goes . . .

Currently there is someone in my life where I felt the chapter wasn’t closed, and no matter how long it’s been it was a relationship that always tugged at my heart.  I never felt closure, and never liked the way things ended.  I also realize you can’t live in the past, otherwise you can never move forward. 
This evening I got an email that made my heart sink. . . and so begins the rant.  For any of the men that have played some romantic role in my life at one point or another, this blog is not about you.  Yes I mentioned that I will discuss my relationships, specially the toxic relationships I keep experiencing with 3 in specific.    Still . . . this is not about you.  This is about me, completely exposing my flaws (yes I know that I was anything but the perfect girlfriend to you) and discovering who I am.  This is me taking off the mask you so kindly said I wear, and yes the façade is over hence the blog.  Maybe if you would have taken the time to actually read my blog instead of skimming it, you would have seen that.  I was very much in love with you when we were together, and it’s not the kind of love you just forget.  So if you were looking for a way to hurt me, you got your moment.  It may have been cowardly and strategically played to your own reality, but it is not my reality. You say I live as though I am the lead character in a TV series or movie, and you couldn’t be more right.  I am the lead character of my own life, just like everyone else.  I never meant to insult you, I never even mentioned you in this blog.  As for the past I couldn’t be more apologetic for the many ways I have wronged you.  But the past is just that, it’s the past.  This blog was not intended to hurt your feelings, and to make you feel recycled.  Our relationship is very special to me, and I hold it very close to my heart.  I was looking forward to the next chapter of our story, even if it was just friendship.       
 I am sure you and everyone else are wondering why I didn’t just settle this privately. Well . . . that would defeat the whole reason for this project.  Get my thoughts, feelings, flaws, and emotions out, to hold myself accountable for producing healthy relationships in 2011.  
Besides, even though you claim blogs are stupid, and mine is “hysterically pathetic” I know your still reading. . .

1 comment:

  1. Just bear in mind, everything happens for a reason. And sometimes no matter how hard and painful the situation is, we have to make our own decisions and accept it. Letting go of someone we deeply love and care the most is not easy, unless you wanna be a prisoner of your past. Don't hesitant to cry out loud, it's a part of healing process. But don't forget also, life is too short for us to become unhappy and miserable all the time. We all deserve to be happy and be loved by somebody. I wish you all the best finding the right person for you. Trust me, he is for sure out there. You just have to be patient. Goodluck!